Stop faking good séx, it may ruin your marriage

Many couples believe that when it comes to good séx  if you can’t beat them surely you can join them. They fake everything about séx from the beginning to the end. After many rounds of faking, séx becomes predictable and discarded. Some couples fight to regain the spark back and make blué films their guiding light but yet after a while they wonder; no explosions of passion. No breathy proclamations of désire, no tumultuous climáx.


How can everyone in movies be having fiery, combustible séx when we barely create a spark?

Relax. Do you know that TV shows and movies give us this much lopsided representation of what séx is supposed to be like. Everyone seems to be climáxing and having orgásms all the time from whatever they’re doing. They make you believe something is wrong with you or your spouse. séx in the real world isn’t always perfect, and it doesn’t have to always end with an earth-shattering climáx. Real-life séx can almost never measure up to the passion portrayed on the screen. Because films don’t talk about the fact that it’s likely that in an odd position, the acting couples pass gas or the love of their life has bad breath while they kiss. Or the shape and weight of their spouse is a big hindrance.

Even when everything else in the relationship is working, séx al styles aren’t always compatible. You like long foréplay sessions. Your spouse may be ready to go in an instant. You long for wet, sensual kissés. He prefers dry, chasté pécks. séx is not just naturally perfect most time.

The mistake many couples make is expecting the energy, séx al excitement, eagerness and the passion of their séx life when their relationship was still new to continue for ever. But as time goes on they forget that it is better to learn how to dance together and bump noses or knees instead of faking passion and orgásm.

Long-term couples can easily tell their spouses what dress or shirt they like them to wear, or what they like for dinner, but they tend to get tongue-tied when it comes to the topic of séx and rather result to faking than enjoymént. They’re afraid of hurting their partners’ feelings, so they don’t tell them what they like or don’t like. But you’re not going to get it unless you ask for it.

So how do I tell my partner what I want without bruising his or her ego? I think it’s really in how you bring up the statement; you can have the conversation whenever and wherever it’s most comfortable for you. But before you talk, you need to know exactly what it is about your séx life that bothers you. Is it a question of technique? personal hygiene? timing? Once you know what isn’t working for you there are things you can suggest that can ease those circumstances ‘I would love it if we…’ or, ‘could we try this?’ if something about your partner’s smell is turning you off, suggest taking a bath together before making love. If you crave more foréplay, ask for slower drive into séx.

After you’ve tried talking and the séx still isn’t working, experiment together; learn to get to know each other’s bodies. Try some séx aids. Read books with pictures (such as séx al Intimácy in Marriage by Funmi Akingbade), or watch an educational video together not porn, but explicít videos in which a voice-over explains what’s happening in the scenes. Sometimes, the problem is a physical one, such as premature éjaculátion. Or it may be that the stress from your job is bleeding over into the bedroom and disrupting your séx life. In those cases it can help to see a séx therapist. If you’re faking séx  you’re doing yourselves a disservice because you do not understand what really túrns you both on. If you’re still unsátisfied, you may wonder if it is ever OK to fake it in bed. Faking séx will eventually take a toll on the relationship and your spouse is going to realise that you’re disconnected. And when the other party notices a disconnection, many things happen to the relationship. Either one party takes to becoming addicted to cybér-séx, or solo séx or outright exchange of séx partner and infidélity. Can fake séx ever be bad enough to consider ending a relationship over? Possibly. Every couple has the potential to have good séx if you’re willing to put a little effort into it. Good séx doesn’t necessarily have to be about an orgásm. It can just be an emotionally fulfilling experience between spouses.